I can't believe it's 2017. It has been two full years since this crazy journey began. I found something I knew I should get checked out. It was there suddenly, and I knew without a doubt that it was new and definitely not normal. I'm one of the lucky ones in many ways. It was large enough and close enough to my skin that I could feel it as I showered. Many women discover these abnormalities in a mammogram. I wasn't due to have one covered by my insurance for 4 more years. I'm also lucky because I acted quickly to get it checked out. As a result I had a lot of options. Many women aren't offered any options. That first appointment started a whirlwind of terrifying and extremely fast-moving activity. It was the scariest time of my entire life. But I'm here, and it was worth it.
As I sit here reflecting on that time two full years later (I found that new thing inside me in February 2015) I honestly can't believe there was ever a time I felt as terrible as I know that I felt. I can hardly remember the awful moments when I thought I wouldn't make it to the next hour. It's a distant memory to try to think back to the moments I thought I'd never be able to forget.
I feel really good. I'm still trying to find the motivation to deal with all the reasons I don't want to exercise. And, occasionally I find fear creeping in. I am diligent and cautious about my health. I watch women who deal with recurrence. And I know it's a possibility for anyone. I will never miss an annual exam or any follow-ups my medical team recommends. I now see a primary care internist. Before this, I never did annual exams beyond my ob-gyn and dermatologist.
I encourage you to do the same. Don't ignore what scares you. Follow up on anything that's new, unusual or making you feel differently. Be an advocate for your own health and well-being. And trust your instincts.
I've said it before, but I'll say it again. No matter where you are on this journey, please believe me. It gets better. There will be a day where you're realizing that two full years have passed, and the moments that were the worst will be distant in your memory. I promise you, it gets better.
