I'm absolutely NOT afraid of doctors. I view them as vital. If something is going wrong with me, I want to know as soon as possible so that I can start to fix it. I do annual exams with my gynecologist. I'm not at all afraid of it. I always chalk that up to having a child - once you've been through that experience, modesty goes out the door, and nothing seems awkward or painful at all about an annual exam. I had planned to be just as diligent about mammograms too. I've followed along several breast cancer journeys, and I knew the risks.
Check Yourself Monthly
I always did self exams of my breasts in the shower. They always felt "lumpy" to me, so I wasn't sure I would know what I was looking for if I found something iffy. My doctor always does an exam of my breasts annually as well, and I'd always feel the same way that she does - circular motions, kneading dough motions, etc. I just wasn't sure what I was looking for - until, that is, I found it. In the shower, I noticed what I can only describe as a grape under my skin. I don't know the exact date that I found it, but I did. And, I couldn't stop thinking about it. I knew that I should have it checked out. How did I know?
1. It was new. It had developed and wasn't there before.
2. It was different. It was unlike any other area or bump or inconsistency I had ever felt before. Everything else within my breasts felt similar. If I felt a bumpy area, it was very similar to all the other bumpy areas.
3. It didn't go away. Breasts can change with our normal female cycles throughout the month. Sometimes breasts are tender and sore, and other times everything feels just fine. This place was always there; after I noticed it - it never went away.
Now, there are many things to look for with breast changes. Sometimes it's an indentation in the breast or an inversion. It could feel harder, feel like a lump, look like a dimple, etc. I found one illustration that shows 12 different signs of breast cancer that you should be looking for. But to best summarize it: you're looking for something that is DIFFERENT than before. Become familiar with how your breasts feel, and look for anything that is a change. Talk to your doctor if you have any questions, or if you notice anything. Don't be afraid. The sooner you find it, the better your outcome could be.
I've also learned that sometimes these things can't be detected by touch. Sometimes they are there, they are small, and they are bad news. That's why I can't imagine NOT wanting to be screened. If something nasty and deadly is lurking, I want to eradicate it. I hope you won't be afraid either.
After I found the lump and talked to my doctor, she set up a mammogram for me. The appointment was excrutiatingly FAR away from the date that I scheduled it. So I kept calling back to see if there were any cancellations. I finally got lucky, and got one - and got in 5 days sooner. That was important to me. By the time my original appointment rolled around, I already had the cancerous growth out of my body. Be your own advocate. Don't hesitate. Don't be afraid or timid.
I walked into my mammogram knowing that I had this lump that needed to be checked out, so I had a diagnostic mammogram. The technician took many images of the one spot in questions, from different angles, because we knew the spot was there. I wasn't intimidated at all. I wanted those images, and I wanted to deal with whatever it was. Was it uncomfortable? Yes. A little. Was it weird to have my breasts tightly pressed between plastic for photos of them? Yes. It was. But I simply did not care, because I had to know what I was dealing with. The technician told me to let her know if she was pressing too tightly on my breasts. I let her clamp it down as much as she wanted to, because I wanted the best possible images. I wouldn't describe it as painful, just really uncomfortable. But it was only until she could get the image, and then it was released.
I wore a shirt-like gown in place of my shirt. I removed it for the images. The nurse placed stickers on my nipples and on any place on my skin that was raised, so that it would be noted on the images. She also put stickers near the questionable area, since we knew about it. Then she walked me through each step. She told me where to stand and where to put my hands. She positioned my body into the machine and then told me to let her know if it was too much pressure. It wasn't for me. She took many images, and in 15 minutes or so, it was over. She told me she'd take the images to the radiologist to review and they'd let me know if I needed to do anything else.
So I waited in my gown-like shirt.
They did ultrasound images next. A new technician came to get me and we did that. It was very much like the procedure when you are looking for a baby, and I have been through that before, so this was easy. The technician used the cold gel on my breast, and took several images. When she was done, she told me either she, or the radiologist would talk with me about the findings. After several minutes she came back in and told me the radiologist would talk with me, and that I could get my shirt back on. I walked into the area where the radiologist sits to review images on a screen. It was dark back there, and there were several nurses lined up to talk with him. When it was my turn, he showed me the tumor. He explained to me that it wasn't fluid-filled, and that it had a blood supply. Ick! I saw both the mammogram images and the ultrasound ones. He recommended a biopsy as a next step, but the nurse said she'd also set me up for a consult with a surgeon. I wasn't sure why, but I went with it.
I met my surgeon the next day, and he set me up for surgery - a lumpectomy - the very next day after that. He explained to me my options regarding a needle biopsy or a lumpectomy. Getting rid of the thing sounded preferable to me from the very beginning. He told me I wouldn't have to feel it, or explain it to a doctor in every mammogram for the rest of my life if we just got rid of it, and that we wouldn't be messing around if it turned out to be something nasty. I'm very thankful that I listened to my gut on that one. And, I was super grateful that my surgeon's schedule was able to match my sense of urgency. I thought it would take days or weeks to be scheduled. When he said he could do it the next day, I breathed a sigh of relief.
I'm super grateful for my mammogram. It was able to rule out that I wasn't dealing with a cyst, and that it was something more serious that should be tested. I can't imagine my life if I had ignored it. I'm 36. What if I had waited four more years until I turn 40 to have a mammogram? I don't want to think about what could have happened if I had left it there for four more years!
I know that many things related to the medical world are scary and uncomfortable. Needles. Blood. Undressing. It sucks. But you know what sucks more? Not having a choice about your treatment plan because too much time has passed. I can deal with anything you throw at me, if it means that I can be healthy and alive longer.
If you have any questions about my experience, don't hesitate to ask! I'm literally an open book about this. :)
