The Truth

So, the truth one week post-op is, I hate my boobs. I'm soooo trying to keep an open mind about this, but I'm bummed out. They aren't the shapes I had hoped for. They are smaller than I expected. And the right side - the side that did NOT have cancer - has a weird dent in it parallel to my incision. At my pre-op appointment the nurse warned me to remember that they are "sisters" not "twins," and I get that, I really do. But man, this sucks.  I know things have to settle and swelling has to subside (which will make things SMALLER?!) And I know my surgeon has told me I might want a revision to address symmetry down the road (yeah, ANOTHER surgery), but today I just want you to know how I'm feeling about it, in case you feel the same way too. This whole process sucks. There's no way around it. And I am sad.

I've been stressed out about weight loss too, with a new passion around that. I'm trying to find enough willpower to overcome my stress-eating ways. After being told that I can't for so long, I am truly ready to start moving and finding activity and exercise that I enjoy. Stuff that won't feel like punishment or work. I've got to refine my diet and improve my nutrition. 

I'm questioning what caused this in my body. What am I doing that made my body welcome these icky cells, and can I change it? Do I have the willpower to change it?

Ok. Rant over. Again, I count my lucky stars every single day because my worries are nothing compared with many who have fought and are fighting cancer. I'm lucky. These worries are nothing compared to some, and I'm truly blessed. But I just wanted you to know that it's OK to feel crummy about your outcome. Not everyone will look as perfect as some of the reconstructed breast images you'll see online. Only time will tell if I can get used to the new way that I look.